Doubt

Wednesday September 17th 2014

2:54 P.M.

My skin never was made of impenetrable thickness, like rubber.
Things hurt me.
Things still hurt me.
But I felt myself finally starting to grow some thicker skin.
The people who helped me build it up.
Are now the ones that tear it off.
I was letting go.
I was exposing myself.
And I adored it.
I loved the feeling.
I knew what I was getting in to.
I knew I might regret some things, and I did.
I positively did…
But I grew because of it.
I still am growing because of them.
Just not the thick skin I had set in mind.
It’s just not staying the same normal messed up way it usually is.
It’s getting worse.
I thought I could get through it.
I hoped I could keep going.
I now doubt my ability to keep up with the new me.
I don't think I can keep up this facade.
Everyday something new happens and not a new I welcome.
But it’s ok because I’ll grow from the experience, right?
I think I finally realized I’m becoming someone I never wanted to be.
It happened so quickly.
Quickly and loudly.
Like the crack crack of his neck as he stretched and yawned.
And I feel pathetic over the apprehension because wasn’t it me.
Who said, demanded, I change myself.

But I lost too many things that made me my own I can never get back.


3:28 P.M.